as told by Princess Juliana
22 Atraie 1832
Ahh~ What a beautiful morning!
There he goes muttering to himself again.
We've walked since sunrise and the most AMAZING thing happened.
Yea! HE WAS NICE TO ME!
ISN'T THAT JUST...
WEIRD???
Surely, dear diary, you agree that that is the most unimaginable thing he would do, right?
Haha! all this travelling has finally gotten some sense into his head eh?
***
Hmph, looks like his niceness was short-lived.
Couldn't have expected for more.
So,
we are STILL NOT IN VELNHEIM.
Mr. Smarty-pants has gotten his bearings wrong again.
Not to mention how bad his temper is right now. His face is practically black.
Scary...
On the other hand,
this small town we've stumbled into is pretty interesting.
Hmm...
Town of Opposites.
***
Wow cool!
I can stay in Town of Opposites forever!
Okay, maybe not forever, but it's a pretty fun town. :D
Apples taste like grapes,
grapes taste like apples,
apples grow on grapevines,
grapes grown on apple trees,
and...
yea.
Ok, I figured it out. Basically, it's grapes that look like apples that grow on grapevines,
and apples that look like grapes that grow on apple trees.
AND!
The most interesting encounter I had was meeting the MEN here.
Hmm, looks like the men here have been oppressed for a long time - how they have to do jobs and not get as much pay as women. How they have to listen to what women say all the time.
It's not like the women are dictators here, just that the women here assume that they are better, stronger, wiser.
The men here wear skirts (because apparently, it's good for men to look feminine here) and women wear skirts too (just because they are women, they can wear anything they want - and skirts are apparently a symbol of power).
How weird,
but interesting... very interesting.
***
Well,
I'm off to sleep.
What a long day.
23 Atraie 1832
What a joke!
I overheard Mr. Loghead talk to one of the citizens here. Oh my, he got absolutely impatient and frustrated with her (him? her?). Talk about no sense of humour at all!
Mr. Loghead (henceforth known as Log): "Excuse me [my! how polite!], where can I find an information center to find directions to Velnheim? My friends [my friends? Mazzy is a FRIEND? that's new!] and I are headed there to visit a sick relative [sick relative? now, I thought that he would have announced his grand plan victoriously, triumphantly, UNABASHEDLY of slaying the great dragon. Hmm... has he been taking some get-smart-overnight pills?].
Feminine-looking man (henceforth known as FLM): Elvnhime?
Log: Velnheim.
FLM: No *nods head*, Elvnhime, that is not what I said.
Log: Vel-n-h-eim *looks at FLM seriously*
FLM: That is NOT what I said! I did not say Elvnhime!
Log: [this is when his face starts to turn slightly purple, not very attractive I have to say] VEL-N-H-EIM. Do I have to spell it out for you?
Log: Yes *shakes head*, I do not know what you are talking about. I will not guide you to the information center *graciously extends arm towards the heart of the city*.
Log: I'm getting very impatient now, will you, or, will you not, show, me, the way, to the, information, center? [oh dear, he's breathing pretty hard now].
FLM: NO *nods head firmly*.
Oh, I missed out this part. There was a really pretty caterpillar flying next to me and I couldn't resist catching it.
I don't know where Mr. Puffyface disappeared to though. Maybe he followed after that man(?). That poor guy... he was trying really hard to help Puffy. Oh, but I saw a very pretty looking bush full of flowers that I didn't see before that by the roadside where the man stood. Maybe they have superpowers here too! like the ones back in Here, and that pretty man left a pretty bush... for fun?
Hmm.
I'm hungry. I wonder what's for dinner.
At least Mr. Puff's decent enough to get us meals the last few days.
24 Atraie 1832
I hate to admit this,
but I'm getting quite afraid of Mr. Blackface.
There has been this trail of... pretty bushes... everywhere he's been.
That cannot be conincidence, can it?
Maybe some warlock gave him some powers when we were last in Here.
Or maybe he's some warlock in disguise...
...
Nahhhhh,
how can that be?
He's still as obnoxious as ever! Only smarter, more polite, more dignified.
Hmm...
Maybe...
Can it be?
Can it be that Mr. Puffyface...
is a...
DRAGON SLAYER IN DISGUISE?
Hahaha!
Okay, I'm spewing nonsense here now.
How can that Funnyface be anyone else but Funnyface. And how can anyone else want to be him? And I don't think any dragon slayers are... off in their heads to choose to be such a weird character.
I'm thinking too much.
I still think he's getting scary.
Maybe it's his face.
It's a shade darker! *the horror!*
But seriously, it IS darker... not tanned, but... BLACK.
25 Atraie 1832
Last day of the month!
And so, we're off travelling again.
Mr. Impatient finally found some directions I suppose.
Or it finally got through his thick head that this IS the Town of OPPOSITES and not all the citizens here are trying get a laugh out of him. Sheesh.
His face was so funny I just had a good time following him around when he asked for directions.
The funniest was when he FINALLY reached the information center, he talked to the receptionist (who was yet again, another feminine man - AFM from here on) who gave him, so far, the funniest answers.
FF: How can I get to Velnheim?
AFM: *looks at FF seriously* Stay in Town of Opposites.
FF: Velnheim is in Town of Opposites? Is it hidden underground? [I must say he looked pretty relieved that AFM was making some sense to him].
AFM: *looks at FF as if to seek a sign that FF understood* It is hidden underground. You have to stay in Town of Opposites to get to Velnheim.
FF: How do I get to this underground place?
AFM: You stay above ground! But yes, I am telling you, you have to stay in Town of Opposites to get to Velnheim.
FF: *getting impatient* I KNOW. STOP TELLING ME THAT! I need the DIRECTIONS to get there.
AFM: No, I don't understand that you need directions to get there. I am not telling you to stay in Town of Opposites to get to Velnheim. *starts to have a confused look on his face*
FF: WHAT? YOU tell ME to stay in Town of Opposites because it's underground and now you're telling me NOT TO STAY HERE?
AFM: I d-d-did not t-t-tell you t-t-to stay here, but I t-t-told you t-t-to st-t-tay h-h-h-here.
FF: Let me have your map! *snatches map out of AFM's hands*
AFM: n-n-n..............
FF: *glares*
WELL, at least we're on our way to Velnheim now.
That poor guy, he looked so crushed when we left. Crumpled actually, his face looked like it was crumpled like a piece of paper.
Off we go again!
Friday, 26 December 2008
Sunday, 20 July 2008
The Diaries of Princess Juliana: Volume V
as told by Princess Juliana
18 Atraie 1832
Aihhh...
Dear dear diary...
I feel as if all that I'm writing about is complaints about Sir Donkey Bonkey.
And boy,
I never realised that his feet stank so badly.
Seriously... I've never seen flowers and grass die like that before! All the plants/any living creature along the pathway seemed to wither, turn black and DIE! Goshhh... Now that's smelly feet for sure.
My nose must be blocked or something, I couldn't smell a thing (THANK GOODNESS).
Hmm, the journey's quieter than usual. Stinky Feet bonkers must have a lot going on in his head (for once!). He seems really sure where to go this time though. That's a little odd... for someone who doesn't know how to read the map properly. Haha!
19 Atraie 1832
Erh...
The journey's a little too quiet for my liking...
Even the birds seem to have stopped singing...
Maybe this part of the country is haunted! Oh nooo~!
I knew it! Sir Boobaalaa must be a wizard in disguise!!! OH NOOO~~~
Yea right, who am I kidding?
As if anyone would want to kidnap him.
Who would want to be in his place anyway... Kicked out by his king, sent to kill the dragon...
Where are we, where are we~
All I see is...
Sir Fuss Pot, Mazzy, dead stuff (caused by Fuss Pot's smelly feet), hmm, the grey sky (even the sky is unwilling to cooperate and it feels as if the gloomy skies are pressing me down! *sigh*).
Hey hey, it's starting to rain!
We've get our coverings up.
Sheesh, that lazy bum should help us put our tents up. Grr.
BYE.
20 Atraie 1832
It didn't rain...
I thought I saw the rain coming our way. :(
My eyes are playing tricks on me. It looks as if the place we stopped by last night didn't get wet.
OH! I knew that he was going to give in somehow. Ha ha!
I refused to talk to him since we quarrel. Hmm, does this means that we've patched up?
Here's what he said:
"Why are you in a rush to set the tents up?"
"The rain's coming this way! Quick, come and help us!"
"*grunt*"
Erh, ok. That doesn't count, considering he didn't even bother to help me or Mazzy. -_-"
So the fight is still on. Hmph.
He even had a surprised look on his face when I asked him to help!
THAT DOES IT! That annoying cow bum can sit in the rain when it starts raining. Looks like it's going to rain again. We better stop here for tonight. The clouds look as if they can't hold up much longer...
Good night, dear diary.
Only you don't give me problems.
21 Atraie 1832
SOMETHING WEIRD IS HAPPENING!
It rain again last night! I SAW the rain clouds coming... and the weirdest thing happened! The rain clouds seemed to split over our heads and not a single drop touched us or any of our belongings.
Eee! This is freaky! What's wrong with this part of the country? O_o!
18 Atraie 1832
Aihhh...
Dear dear diary...
I feel as if all that I'm writing about is complaints about Sir Donkey Bonkey.
And boy,
I never realised that his feet stank so badly.
Seriously... I've never seen flowers and grass die like that before! All the plants/any living creature along the pathway seemed to wither, turn black and DIE! Goshhh... Now that's smelly feet for sure.
My nose must be blocked or something, I couldn't smell a thing (THANK GOODNESS).
Hmm, the journey's quieter than usual. Stinky Feet bonkers must have a lot going on in his head (for once!). He seems really sure where to go this time though. That's a little odd... for someone who doesn't know how to read the map properly. Haha!
19 Atraie 1832
Erh...
The journey's a little too quiet for my liking...
Even the birds seem to have stopped singing...
Maybe this part of the country is haunted! Oh nooo~!
I knew it! Sir Boobaalaa must be a wizard in disguise!!! OH NOOO~~~
Yea right, who am I kidding?
As if anyone would want to kidnap him.
Who would want to be in his place anyway... Kicked out by his king, sent to kill the dragon...
Where are we, where are we~
All I see is...
Sir Fuss Pot, Mazzy, dead stuff (caused by Fuss Pot's smelly feet), hmm, the grey sky (even the sky is unwilling to cooperate and it feels as if the gloomy skies are pressing me down! *sigh*).
Hey hey, it's starting to rain!
We've get our coverings up.
Sheesh, that lazy bum should help us put our tents up. Grr.
BYE.
20 Atraie 1832
It didn't rain...
I thought I saw the rain coming our way. :(
My eyes are playing tricks on me. It looks as if the place we stopped by last night didn't get wet.
OH! I knew that he was going to give in somehow. Ha ha!
I refused to talk to him since we quarrel. Hmm, does this means that we've patched up?
Here's what he said:
"Why are you in a rush to set the tents up?"
"The rain's coming this way! Quick, come and help us!"
"*grunt*"
Erh, ok. That doesn't count, considering he didn't even bother to help me or Mazzy. -_-"
So the fight is still on. Hmph.
He even had a surprised look on his face when I asked him to help!
THAT DOES IT! That annoying cow bum can sit in the rain when it starts raining. Looks like it's going to rain again. We better stop here for tonight. The clouds look as if they can't hold up much longer...
Good night, dear diary.
Only you don't give me problems.
21 Atraie 1832
SOMETHING WEIRD IS HAPPENING!
It rain again last night! I SAW the rain clouds coming... and the weirdest thing happened! The rain clouds seemed to split over our heads and not a single drop touched us or any of our belongings.
Eee! This is freaky! What's wrong with this part of the country? O_o!
Saturday, 23 February 2008
The Diaries of Sir Robert the Violent: Volume IV
as told by Sir Robert
15 Atraie 1832
Ingrate! Ingrate! INGRATE!!! That's what that excuse of a princess is! After all I've done for her. First, I carried her over my shoulder when she wasn't feeling well. And then, I got Mazzy to carry her. And to top it all off, had I not instructed Mazzy to find her a doctor to tend to her, she'd probably be dead by now.
According to the doctor, it seems that Emeline had caught a severe case of Blue Fever. Symptoms include delirium and a tendency to blow the smallest of issues grossly out of proportion. And that's just the early stage; if allowed to continue the patient will slowly start turning blue until she dies from being mobbed by a bunch of irate villages who will mistake her for a goblin. Maybe I should have let that happened.
Admittedly, I must have made a wrong turn somewhere along the way to Velnheim. But then again, it's difficult to navigate when you've got a petulant little brat of a girl hanging over your shoulders, constantly telling you that you're heading the wrong way. Such things do tend to rub off on you. Not to mention the fact that this girl is rotten luck to begin with. Ugh!
So we're not in Velnheim. Yesterday, I had to find out where on Dargenvale we were, so I stopped a passer-by to ask him some questions, and this was how the conversation went:
"Good day to you!" I had said.
"Up yours!"
"Why, thank you. Could you please tell us where we are?"
"I said, up yours!"
"Oh how very kind of you to think so, but could you-"
And the passer-by just walked off in a huff. Just like that. Rather conflicting behaviour I daresay. But it mattered not, for I soon had found another passer-by who was not as polite, but willing to answer my questions, no less. The conversation went as such:
"Good day," I had said, "can you please tell us where we are?"
"Sure. You are in Here."
"Yes, I know I'm here, but surely you could tell me what this place is called?"
"Here."
"Yes here," I had said, getting a little bit frustrated, "but where is here"
"Here is here, and here is Here. You are in Here."
"What? You mean here as in 'not there'?" I was clearly getting confused.
"Oh no, There is about twenty miles south of Here."
I had given up at that point; proceeding further would have been akin to dragging a dead cow up a steep slope. Instead, I poked around the town for a bit until I came across a rickety sign that said "Welcome to the Town of Here".
So we are in Here! Why didn't that idiot just say so?
16 Atraie 1832
Learnt a little more about Here today. This small town turns out to be the venue of a biannual Wizards and Witches convention! And as luck would have it, the convention was held today. Hmmph! Never really liked Wizards to be honest. They're a rather snobbish lot if you ask me. But out of curiousity, I decided to go take a look.
I stopped by a booth that demonstrated how one could make a potion out of dragon's blood that would reverse the effects of aging. Fascinating! The one who manned the booth was a young warlock who introduced himself as Dorgray. I told him that I myself was on a quest to slay the dragon that was plaguing Dargenvale. He seemed very impressed at my courage and valour, and rightfully so, I might add! Anyway, Dorgray offered to teach me a thing or two about dragonslaying. I am to meet him by the fountain in the Town Square later this evening.
I would have invited Emeline to accompany me to meet the warlock, but unfortunately we're not on speaking terms. This morning she launched into her usual tirade about me getting all of us into trouble. Naturally I had to defend myself against her callous accusations! Might I remind her that if it weren't for my brave deeds, Emeline wouldn't be where she is right now! Some of the things she said about me are simply unjustified!
She did however say some very nasty lines. This was the part of our argument that hurt me the most:
She said, "I hate you, Sir Robert! I hate all that you've ever done! I hate the way you look (she's obviously lying here)! I hate the way you talk! I hate the way you walk! I hate everything about you!"
I said, "it matters not, Emeline! For it is your sister Princess Juliana that I truly love!"
Then she said, "HAH! Then joke's on you Sir Fart-a-lot! Because I AM Princess-"
"-Juliana's sister!" Mazzy had quickly chipped in, "and Sir Robert, your hair is a mess! You better have that fixed!". Ah Mazzy, Mazzy. That's why I keep her around, she's always so mindful of my appearance. Funny the way she suddenly spoke up like that, though. Normally she just sits quietly in the corner whenever Emeline and I quarelled.
Anyway, that was this morning. Right now, I'm off to see Dorgray. Slipped a note under Emeline's door to tell her of my whereabouts. Hmmph! So she hates me. Big deal.
Only, why does my heart feel so heavy then...
15 Atraie 1832
Ingrate! Ingrate! INGRATE!!! That's what that excuse of a princess is! After all I've done for her. First, I carried her over my shoulder when she wasn't feeling well. And then, I got Mazzy to carry her. And to top it all off, had I not instructed Mazzy to find her a doctor to tend to her, she'd probably be dead by now.
According to the doctor, it seems that Emeline had caught a severe case of Blue Fever. Symptoms include delirium and a tendency to blow the smallest of issues grossly out of proportion. And that's just the early stage; if allowed to continue the patient will slowly start turning blue until she dies from being mobbed by a bunch of irate villages who will mistake her for a goblin. Maybe I should have let that happened.
Admittedly, I must have made a wrong turn somewhere along the way to Velnheim. But then again, it's difficult to navigate when you've got a petulant little brat of a girl hanging over your shoulders, constantly telling you that you're heading the wrong way. Such things do tend to rub off on you. Not to mention the fact that this girl is rotten luck to begin with. Ugh!
So we're not in Velnheim. Yesterday, I had to find out where on Dargenvale we were, so I stopped a passer-by to ask him some questions, and this was how the conversation went:
"Good day to you!" I had said.
"Up yours!"
"Why, thank you. Could you please tell us where we are?"
"I said, up yours!"
"Oh how very kind of you to think so, but could you-"
And the passer-by just walked off in a huff. Just like that. Rather conflicting behaviour I daresay. But it mattered not, for I soon had found another passer-by who was not as polite, but willing to answer my questions, no less. The conversation went as such:
"Good day," I had said, "can you please tell us where we are?"
"Sure. You are in Here."
"Yes, I know I'm here, but surely you could tell me what this place is called?"
"Here."
"Yes here," I had said, getting a little bit frustrated, "but where is here"
"Here is here, and here is Here. You are in Here."
"What? You mean here as in 'not there'?" I was clearly getting confused.
"Oh no, There is about twenty miles south of Here."
I had given up at that point; proceeding further would have been akin to dragging a dead cow up a steep slope. Instead, I poked around the town for a bit until I came across a rickety sign that said "Welcome to the Town of Here".
So we are in Here! Why didn't that idiot just say so?
16 Atraie 1832
Learnt a little more about Here today. This small town turns out to be the venue of a biannual Wizards and Witches convention! And as luck would have it, the convention was held today. Hmmph! Never really liked Wizards to be honest. They're a rather snobbish lot if you ask me. But out of curiousity, I decided to go take a look.
I stopped by a booth that demonstrated how one could make a potion out of dragon's blood that would reverse the effects of aging. Fascinating! The one who manned the booth was a young warlock who introduced himself as Dorgray. I told him that I myself was on a quest to slay the dragon that was plaguing Dargenvale. He seemed very impressed at my courage and valour, and rightfully so, I might add! Anyway, Dorgray offered to teach me a thing or two about dragonslaying. I am to meet him by the fountain in the Town Square later this evening.
I would have invited Emeline to accompany me to meet the warlock, but unfortunately we're not on speaking terms. This morning she launched into her usual tirade about me getting all of us into trouble. Naturally I had to defend myself against her callous accusations! Might I remind her that if it weren't for my brave deeds, Emeline wouldn't be where she is right now! Some of the things she said about me are simply unjustified!
She did however say some very nasty lines. This was the part of our argument that hurt me the most:
She said, "I hate you, Sir Robert! I hate all that you've ever done! I hate the way you look (she's obviously lying here)! I hate the way you talk! I hate the way you walk! I hate everything about you!"
I said, "it matters not, Emeline! For it is your sister Princess Juliana that I truly love!"
Then she said, "HAH! Then joke's on you Sir Fart-a-lot! Because I AM Princess-"
"-Juliana's sister!" Mazzy had quickly chipped in, "and Sir Robert, your hair is a mess! You better have that fixed!". Ah Mazzy, Mazzy. That's why I keep her around, she's always so mindful of my appearance. Funny the way she suddenly spoke up like that, though. Normally she just sits quietly in the corner whenever Emeline and I quarelled.
Anyway, that was this morning. Right now, I'm off to see Dorgray. Slipped a note under Emeline's door to tell her of my whereabouts. Hmmph! So she hates me. Big deal.
Only, why does my heart feel so heavy then...
Tuesday, 12 February 2008
The Diaries of Princess Juliana: Volume IV
as told by Princess Juliana
14 Atraie 1832
OH, MY POOR HANDS!
I've been banging so hard on Sir Cranky's breastplate that my hands are still aching. Some bruises are appearing. I should sue him for violation of personal space. Or even better... let the dragon EAT him! Not that he would taste nice, but I wouldn't mind seeing the dragon have a chew at him first. Ugh.
I hate to say "I told you so" but...
I TOLD THAT ANNOYING, SMELLY, UGLY, FLAT-FACED, OBNOXIOUS BRAT THAT WE WERE LOST!!!
And where are we?
We are in HERE??!
HERE??!
I know that we're HERE! where else are we supposed to be? THERE?!!!
It didn't take 2 days, not 3, BUT FOUR WHOLE DAYS TO GET HERE?
I can really smack that guy silly.
Do I look thattt dumb?
Didn't I tell him that we were lost?
Didn't I tell him that we were heading south-west?
Doesn't he know that he's not right all the time?
Does he not know how to respect another person's opinions?
Does he even know how to LISTEN??!
I can bite off one whole piece of his flesh now if I see his face now.
I'm so angry I can't even write properly.
15 Atraie 1832
Thank God for Mazzy.
I found out that it was her who carried me all the way here after I fainted.
He calls himself a man? Tsk.
I take back all the good things I've ever said about him, as little as it already is.
Thankfully Mazzy nursed me and found a doctor for me. If I were alone with him I think I would have been left behind at the tree stump. -_-
I wonder how a lousy knight got a squire as kind as Mazzy.
I also wonder why she sticks with him.
Ah... I'm just tired now.
I'm sick of arguing with him and I get a terrible headache everytime I think of him and our journey.
I hope we're not going to stay here long.
The people here look quite hostile... Especially the tall men dressed in black robes. They look quite scary. Thankfully I found a local here who's nice enough to bring me around and get things off my mind.
16 Atraie 1832
Woah!
This place IS scary.
I wouldn't have dared venture out if I knew this place was crowded with wizards and witches.
I'm locking myself in this room until we depart!
I didn't know they had such serious meetings and discussed such important matters.
Save the earth from evil warlocks? Stop global swarming of gnomes? Stop lazy witches from bribing princesses to pass them their dad's kingdom secrets?
Woah... It's a good thing no one knows that I'm a princess.
And to think of that... I almost revealed that I'm not Emeline when I quarreled with Sir Stiff-neck. It's a good thing Mazzy interrupted him by saying that his hair was not in place.
Oh! I got a note under the door.
Apparently he doesn't want to talk to me as much as I don't want to talk to him.
Oh wait, I locked the door.
So... we are to leave at noon.
Good.
14 Atraie 1832
OH, MY POOR HANDS!
I've been banging so hard on Sir Cranky's breastplate that my hands are still aching. Some bruises are appearing. I should sue him for violation of personal space. Or even better... let the dragon EAT him! Not that he would taste nice, but I wouldn't mind seeing the dragon have a chew at him first. Ugh.
I hate to say "I told you so" but...
I TOLD THAT ANNOYING, SMELLY, UGLY, FLAT-FACED, OBNOXIOUS BRAT THAT WE WERE LOST!!!
And where are we?
We are in HERE??!
HERE??!
I know that we're HERE! where else are we supposed to be? THERE?!!!
It didn't take 2 days, not 3, BUT FOUR WHOLE DAYS TO GET HERE?
I can really smack that guy silly.
Do I look thattt dumb?
Didn't I tell him that we were lost?
Didn't I tell him that we were heading south-west?
Doesn't he know that he's not right all the time?
Does he not know how to respect another person's opinions?
Does he even know how to LISTEN??!
I can bite off one whole piece of his flesh now if I see his face now.
I'm so angry I can't even write properly.
15 Atraie 1832
Thank God for Mazzy.
I found out that it was her who carried me all the way here after I fainted.
He calls himself a man? Tsk.
I take back all the good things I've ever said about him, as little as it already is.
Thankfully Mazzy nursed me and found a doctor for me. If I were alone with him I think I would have been left behind at the tree stump. -_-
I wonder how a lousy knight got a squire as kind as Mazzy.
I also wonder why she sticks with him.
Ah... I'm just tired now.
I'm sick of arguing with him and I get a terrible headache everytime I think of him and our journey.
I hope we're not going to stay here long.
The people here look quite hostile... Especially the tall men dressed in black robes. They look quite scary. Thankfully I found a local here who's nice enough to bring me around and get things off my mind.
16 Atraie 1832
Woah!
This place IS scary.
I wouldn't have dared venture out if I knew this place was crowded with wizards and witches.
I'm locking myself in this room until we depart!
I didn't know they had such serious meetings and discussed such important matters.
Save the earth from evil warlocks? Stop global swarming of gnomes? Stop lazy witches from bribing princesses to pass them their dad's kingdom secrets?
Woah... It's a good thing no one knows that I'm a princess.
And to think of that... I almost revealed that I'm not Emeline when I quarreled with Sir Stiff-neck. It's a good thing Mazzy interrupted him by saying that his hair was not in place.
Oh! I got a note under the door.
Apparently he doesn't want to talk to me as much as I don't want to talk to him.
Oh wait, I locked the door.
So... we are to leave at noon.
Good.
Wednesday, 23 January 2008
The Diaries of Sir Robert the Violent: Volume III
as told by Sir Robert
8 Atraie 1832
These rats are smarter than I could have possibly imagined! Apparently, they even seem to have enough charisma to recruit a bunch of roaches to do their bidding for them. Most interesting. They even seem to have a leader amongst themselves - a rat slightly larger than the rest. I named him Remus, after ol' Uncle Remus who very much resembled a rat himself so much so the cats were always having a go at him. Haha. Poor Uncle Remus. I'll never forget his last words... I believe the went somewhere along the lines of "GET 'EM OFF ME!!! GET 'EM OFF ME!!!!!"
But I digress. Imagine my surprise this morning when I saw them scurry past in single file, each carrying their own bundle of food. I say! If I can find a way to tame them to do my bidding, they can be exceedingly useful to our cause.
Emeline was still wearing her silly grey cloak when she woke up. Oh well, it's not my place to question the King's orders anyway.
Tomorrow we shall begin our two-day journey to a quiet, backwater hamlet called Velnheim. Despite its humble settings, Velnheim will forever be known in Dargenvale history as the birthplace of her first Dragonslayer, Sir Isaac Angryfist. They say that hidden in this unassuming town lies Sir Angryfist's secret library, where all his journals are contained. I believe that if we can acquire these journals, they shall prove invaluable to our endeavours. We shall set off at dawn. That is, if all goes well.
9 Atraie 1832
Just perfect. Last night Emeline passed out for no apparent reason at all. Mazzy spent the whole night looking after her, at the expense of her own sleep. Such dedication. I slept like a baby knowing that she had everything covered.
Emeline didn't even know how she fainted. All she could remember was having bouts of stomach pains before blacking out. I guess such is the kind of bad luck a sixth child has to face. Too bad.
But of course that means we'll have to postpone our journey to Velnheim. I suppose I could ask the innkeep a thing or on two how to get there. But I'll do that tomorrow. Today I have the exceedingly important task of grooming my silky locks. In fact, I really should apologize to my hair for not taking care of them enough. It's all Emeline's fault, I swear.
Mazzy said to me, "I've been talking care of Emeline all day. Can I please have the evening off?" Silly question! She deserves much more than that for her dedication, which is why I commended her with an enthusiastic "Up yours!". You should see the way she happily stomped off after that. I have such a way with the ladies, oh my!
10 Atraie 1832
Something is definitely wrong with Emeline. When I passed her room last night she was talking in her sleep. Well, that's perfectly normal to be brutally honest, but the weird thing was that she kept going on about how she missed Emeline. She just kept going "Emeline, I miss you" in between sobs. How terribly frightening! Even I am not that narcissistic! But I suppose Princesses are entitled to act weird on account that they are, well, Princesses.
Anyway, today is the day with set off for Velnheim. Thanks to the innkeep's directions and my remarkable talent in drawing, I have drawn up a map of the outlying regions. Velnheim lies two days to the west. Perhaps Emeline's illness has been a twist of good fortune after all, for had I not asked the Innkeep, I certainly would have not known that Velnheim was to the west. Heck I wouldn't even know what a west is. He also told me that Velnheim is pronounced "felnn-haim". I guess we learn something new every day.
11 Atraie 1832
There is something terribly wrong with Emeline. She keeps complaining we're lost when we're not! Well not entirely... I mean, sure we made a few wrong turns along the way and I'm quite certain that west is way yonder, but it's infuriating the way she thinks she knows better than me when all she does is whine whine whine.
Right now my shoulders are aching. That's because just an hour ago, Emeline sat on a rock and refused to move "until I got my bearings right". So I had to heft her up over my shoulder and carry her along, pretty much against her will. My back also aches too, and that's because she kept pounding at it while kicking and screaming the whole way through. I'm glad nobody saw us; it was so bloody embarrassing! Mazzy couldn't stop smiling the whole way through. I wonder what she found so damn amusing.
12 Atraie 1832
Today's journey was a lot more pleasant. Emeline finally gave up arguing with me. About time too. I'm sick of her constantly saying we're traveling in circles when we're quite clearly going in a straight line. She had vehemently insisted that she had marked a particular tree stump by the roadside yesterday as proof, and that we had passed it three times already. That of course is utter nonsense; the only marks she made yesterday are the dents on my poor breastplate.
I had to heft this silly excuse of a Princess over my shoulder again for most of today's journey. And that's because she passed out yet again. I really hope we reach Velnheim soon. This girl needs a physician and no mistake!
Currently we've stopped by a gentle brook to refresh ourselves. Hearing the swish-swish of water skipping lightly off the smooth pebbles is surprisingly therapeutic, and nothing beats dipping your head into a stream of icy cold water to clear things up a little. Velnheim should not be too far off.
I think I shall let Mazzy carry the Princess for the remainder of today's journey. That would certainly wipe that idiotic grin off her face.
Such rotten luck!
p.s. I couldn't stop thinking about Pricess Juliana today. I wonder why...
8 Atraie 1832
These rats are smarter than I could have possibly imagined! Apparently, they even seem to have enough charisma to recruit a bunch of roaches to do their bidding for them. Most interesting. They even seem to have a leader amongst themselves - a rat slightly larger than the rest. I named him Remus, after ol' Uncle Remus who very much resembled a rat himself so much so the cats were always having a go at him. Haha. Poor Uncle Remus. I'll never forget his last words... I believe the went somewhere along the lines of "GET 'EM OFF ME!!! GET 'EM OFF ME!!!!!"
But I digress. Imagine my surprise this morning when I saw them scurry past in single file, each carrying their own bundle of food. I say! If I can find a way to tame them to do my bidding, they can be exceedingly useful to our cause.
Emeline was still wearing her silly grey cloak when she woke up. Oh well, it's not my place to question the King's orders anyway.
Tomorrow we shall begin our two-day journey to a quiet, backwater hamlet called Velnheim. Despite its humble settings, Velnheim will forever be known in Dargenvale history as the birthplace of her first Dragonslayer, Sir Isaac Angryfist. They say that hidden in this unassuming town lies Sir Angryfist's secret library, where all his journals are contained. I believe that if we can acquire these journals, they shall prove invaluable to our endeavours. We shall set off at dawn. That is, if all goes well.
9 Atraie 1832
Just perfect. Last night Emeline passed out for no apparent reason at all. Mazzy spent the whole night looking after her, at the expense of her own sleep. Such dedication. I slept like a baby knowing that she had everything covered.
Emeline didn't even know how she fainted. All she could remember was having bouts of stomach pains before blacking out. I guess such is the kind of bad luck a sixth child has to face. Too bad.
But of course that means we'll have to postpone our journey to Velnheim. I suppose I could ask the innkeep a thing or on two how to get there. But I'll do that tomorrow. Today I have the exceedingly important task of grooming my silky locks. In fact, I really should apologize to my hair for not taking care of them enough. It's all Emeline's fault, I swear.
Mazzy said to me, "I've been talking care of Emeline all day. Can I please have the evening off?" Silly question! She deserves much more than that for her dedication, which is why I commended her with an enthusiastic "Up yours!". You should see the way she happily stomped off after that. I have such a way with the ladies, oh my!
10 Atraie 1832
Something is definitely wrong with Emeline. When I passed her room last night she was talking in her sleep. Well, that's perfectly normal to be brutally honest, but the weird thing was that she kept going on about how she missed Emeline. She just kept going "Emeline, I miss you" in between sobs. How terribly frightening! Even I am not that narcissistic! But I suppose Princesses are entitled to act weird on account that they are, well, Princesses.
Anyway, today is the day with set off for Velnheim. Thanks to the innkeep's directions and my remarkable talent in drawing, I have drawn up a map of the outlying regions. Velnheim lies two days to the west. Perhaps Emeline's illness has been a twist of good fortune after all, for had I not asked the Innkeep, I certainly would have not known that Velnheim was to the west. Heck I wouldn't even know what a west is. He also told me that Velnheim is pronounced "felnn-haim". I guess we learn something new every day.
11 Atraie 1832
There is something terribly wrong with Emeline. She keeps complaining we're lost when we're not! Well not entirely... I mean, sure we made a few wrong turns along the way and I'm quite certain that west is way yonder, but it's infuriating the way she thinks she knows better than me when all she does is whine whine whine.
Right now my shoulders are aching. That's because just an hour ago, Emeline sat on a rock and refused to move "until I got my bearings right". So I had to heft her up over my shoulder and carry her along, pretty much against her will. My back also aches too, and that's because she kept pounding at it while kicking and screaming the whole way through. I'm glad nobody saw us; it was so bloody embarrassing! Mazzy couldn't stop smiling the whole way through. I wonder what she found so damn amusing.
12 Atraie 1832
Today's journey was a lot more pleasant. Emeline finally gave up arguing with me. About time too. I'm sick of her constantly saying we're traveling in circles when we're quite clearly going in a straight line. She had vehemently insisted that she had marked a particular tree stump by the roadside yesterday as proof, and that we had passed it three times already. That of course is utter nonsense; the only marks she made yesterday are the dents on my poor breastplate.
I had to heft this silly excuse of a Princess over my shoulder again for most of today's journey. And that's because she passed out yet again. I really hope we reach Velnheim soon. This girl needs a physician and no mistake!
Currently we've stopped by a gentle brook to refresh ourselves. Hearing the swish-swish of water skipping lightly off the smooth pebbles is surprisingly therapeutic, and nothing beats dipping your head into a stream of icy cold water to clear things up a little. Velnheim should not be too far off.
I think I shall let Mazzy carry the Princess for the remainder of today's journey. That would certainly wipe that idiotic grin off her face.
Such rotten luck!
p.s. I couldn't stop thinking about Pricess Juliana today. I wonder why...
Tuesday, 22 January 2008
The Diaries of Princess Juliana: Volume III
as told by Princess Juliana
8 Atraie 1832
Felt odd that I woke up staring at the ceiling full of crooked beams instead of my lace curtains. It's a nice feeling. Hmm, cosy and... very... homey.
I went down to get some breakfast, and to my horror, I saw rats and roaches crawling all over the kitchen floor. Ugh, I almost vomited on the kitchen floor. Thankfully, before I started screaming and waking the whole place up, I saw and recognised my pet mice! Sheesh, those things! leading all the kitchen rats and roaches into a raid for food?! How bad an influence is that? Tsk. Yuck. I'll have to apologise to the innkeeper and pay for all the damages done. Ugh.I wonder how they got here in the first place.
Have to settle for the packed food we brought with us now.
9 Atraie 1832
It was strange that I woke up seeing Mazzy snoring away at my bedside this morning. Apparently - after getting the story from a sleepy Mazzy - I fainted away after having all the bad attacks of stomach pains. Oddly enough, I don't remember anything after I ate those sandwiches we had packed for us. Hmm... And it was packed by Emeline on the morning we left.
Emeline... How I miss her now...
She even gave me pink socks for luck the day before.
Ah, I distinctly remember her telling me now: "Remember, this is for you, and those are for Sir Robert. Make sure you don't lose them! They're very hard to get and are very very very lucky. I should know, as I'm the unluckiest daughter, but yet I'm so lucky to have gotten away with the dragon slaying and... ugh, adventure."
I'll put them on now. I believe I'm well enough to kill a horse... or break Sir Snooty's legs. But, nahhh... I'll keep his legs intact so that he can wear the socks that were so hard to come by. Hee. Or... Maybe I should wear both pairs - for extra extra luck.
Looks like we won't able to set off today. My legs feel so wobbly...
10 Atraie 1832
My legs were well enough to walk on after all.
Set out at noon yesterday after getting directions from the innkeeper. Sir Ask-a-lot is rather smart after all, for all the complaints he makes about having to slay the dragon and not being appreciated. He actually drew the map out quite nicely and precisely and made sure everything was set right - the food supplies enough to last till the next tavern or inn.
I wish Mazzy would quit goggling at me. Makes me feel so weird... I wonder if she knows that I'm not Emeline.
Ah, there goes Sir Order-a-lot barking orders at me to continue our journey. Off we go again.
11 Atraie 1832
I think we're lost... I believe I've been here the last time I wrote in my diary entry. The very same tree stump.
EVEN THE CLOUDS LOOK THE SAME!
HELP!!!
12 Atraie 1832
So much for the lucky socks...
We ARE lost. I'm too tired to even argue with Sir Stiff-neck. He won't listen to me when I told him that this is the THIRD time we're at this tree stump. I even made a mark on it yesterday. Sigh... So we're going around in circles, just like the trees in front of my eyes...
8 Atraie 1832
Felt odd that I woke up staring at the ceiling full of crooked beams instead of my lace curtains. It's a nice feeling. Hmm, cosy and... very... homey.
I went down to get some breakfast, and to my horror, I saw rats and roaches crawling all over the kitchen floor. Ugh, I almost vomited on the kitchen floor. Thankfully, before I started screaming and waking the whole place up, I saw and recognised my pet mice! Sheesh, those things! leading all the kitchen rats and roaches into a raid for food?! How bad an influence is that? Tsk. Yuck. I'll have to apologise to the innkeeper and pay for all the damages done. Ugh.I wonder how they got here in the first place.
Have to settle for the packed food we brought with us now.
9 Atraie 1832
It was strange that I woke up seeing Mazzy snoring away at my bedside this morning. Apparently - after getting the story from a sleepy Mazzy - I fainted away after having all the bad attacks of stomach pains. Oddly enough, I don't remember anything after I ate those sandwiches we had packed for us. Hmm... And it was packed by Emeline on the morning we left.
Emeline... How I miss her now...
She even gave me pink socks for luck the day before.
Ah, I distinctly remember her telling me now: "Remember, this is for you, and those are for Sir Robert. Make sure you don't lose them! They're very hard to get and are very very very lucky. I should know, as I'm the unluckiest daughter, but yet I'm so lucky to have gotten away with the dragon slaying and... ugh, adventure."
I'll put them on now. I believe I'm well enough to kill a horse... or break Sir Snooty's legs. But, nahhh... I'll keep his legs intact so that he can wear the socks that were so hard to come by. Hee. Or... Maybe I should wear both pairs - for extra extra luck.
Looks like we won't able to set off today. My legs feel so wobbly...
10 Atraie 1832
My legs were well enough to walk on after all.
Set out at noon yesterday after getting directions from the innkeeper. Sir Ask-a-lot is rather smart after all, for all the complaints he makes about having to slay the dragon and not being appreciated. He actually drew the map out quite nicely and precisely and made sure everything was set right - the food supplies enough to last till the next tavern or inn.
I wish Mazzy would quit goggling at me. Makes me feel so weird... I wonder if she knows that I'm not Emeline.
Ah, there goes Sir Order-a-lot barking orders at me to continue our journey. Off we go again.
11 Atraie 1832
I think we're lost... I believe I've been here the last time I wrote in my diary entry. The very same tree stump.
EVEN THE CLOUDS LOOK THE SAME!
HELP!!!
12 Atraie 1832
So much for the lucky socks...
We ARE lost. I'm too tired to even argue with Sir Stiff-neck. He won't listen to me when I told him that this is the THIRD time we're at this tree stump. I even made a mark on it yesterday. Sigh... So we're going around in circles, just like the trees in front of my eyes...
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