The Diaries of Sir Robert the Violent: Vol. II

As told by Sir Robert

4 Atraie 1832

Jubilation! I have been freed by the King. It is obvious that he has realized how indispensible my services to the throne have become. Ah, but even Kings make mistakes too. I have forgiven him.

Said a hearty "up yours!" to the warden because I was in such a terrific mood. In return, he gestured me to look up. Strangely enough, there was nothing of interest on the ceiling as I would have otherwise had hoped. And it did strike me to be a bit odd that he was using his middle finger instead. Perhaps it's a new fad in town; and a popular knight like myself should really get with the times, lest the people of Dargenvale see me in ill-repute. But that will never happen.


5 Atraie 1832

Finally! A decent shave. Now my face is a smooth as a crystal ball. All the young lasses love the feel of a man's smooth chin after a shave. And I shan't disappoint either.

The rats from the dungeon have followed me home! Normally I would have had them slaughtered on a whim, but strangely enough these rats seem... well... clever. Almost educated, I daresay. Never have I seen a pack of rats clean up after themselves quite so efficiently. I think shall keep them. Mazzy has been really edgy because of them. Perfect.

Tomorrow I have an audience with the King. He's probably going to apologize to me for throwing in the dungeon. Silly man. It's not needed, really. I'm as gracious as knights come; and quick to forgive. Still, I shall be there to give him that assurance. And of course it wouldn't hurt to see that lovely Princess Juliana again. T'was at the Ball where I first laid eyes on her. There was an intense fire in her eyes. She even smiled at me too, just after the... uh... embarrassing fountain incident. It matters not. I think she's madly in love with me.

And for the record, I was tripped!


6 Atraie 1832

The King forgot to apologize at today's audience. That's understandable; he's busy running a Kingdom, so he can't be expected to remember everything. It would have been nice if he had, though.

It seems that the King was pretty darn adamant about me going to slay the dragon. I suppose I'm left with no choice. But to make matters worse, he has decreed that I will be accompanied by his sixth daughter, Princess Emeline! That girl is rotten luck! I mean after all, everybody knows that the number six is unlucky! I told Mazzy about the King's decision and she was shocked. She looked worriedly at me and asked "you do know why the King sent his 6th daughter to aid you, don't you Sir Robert?" And the answer hit me, plain for all to see. I couldn't believe it!

The King doesn't know how to count!


7 Atraie 1832

Today I went to the Castle gates to rendezvous with Princess Emeline. When I first saw her, I couldn't help but remark, "You call HER a Princess? See how scrawny she is! And her hair is a mess! Had I not known better I would say she resembled an upturned mop!". And that's when one of the guards said, "Sir, that is an upturned mop; the Princess is behind you."

Princess Emeline was wearing a grey hooded cloak that concealed most of her features. She wasn't unpleasant looking, insofar as I could tell from what little was revealed to me, and I could have sworn that she looked a tad older than her age. But I suppose women mature much faster. Well, as I reached out to pull down her hood, her hand slapped mine away sharply.

"It is the King's strict order that my hood be on at all times," she said in a sweet yet firm voice.

Oh well. King's orders are King's orders, despite how stupid they sound. I shall have to put up with this Princess and her idiosyncratic whims. So long as her bad luck doesn't rub off on me, I should be fine. If only our King had paid a little attention to his math, I would surely have been paired with fair Princess Juliana, and no mistakes.

Today's journey was uneventful at best. Princess Emeline said very little, aside from an obligatory 'yes' or 'no' whenever I would ask her a question. She must be intimidated by my presence, as many women are around a man of such class and stature. I couldn't believe how tired I was when we reached a roadside tavern in the evening. Talking about all my brave deeds all day really does take its toll on a man.

A strange thing happened before lights out today. I had to call Emeline (she insisted I drop the 'Princess' bit) a few times before she finally responded. Maybe she's partially deaf, which could well explain why she didn't seem too interested in my stories this afternoon. I guess it all makes sense.