Wednesday, 23 January 2008

The Diaries of Sir Robert the Violent: Volume III

as told by Sir Robert

8 Atraie 1832

These rats are smarter than I could have possibly imagined! Apparently, they even seem to have enough charisma to recruit a bunch of roaches to do their bidding for them. Most interesting. They even seem to have a leader amongst themselves - a rat slightly larger than the rest. I named him Remus, after ol' Uncle Remus who very much resembled a rat himself so much so the cats were always having a go at him. Haha. Poor Uncle Remus. I'll never forget his last words... I believe the went somewhere along the lines of "GET 'EM OFF ME!!! GET 'EM OFF ME!!!!!"

But I digress. Imagine my surprise this morning when I saw them scurry past in single file, each carrying their own bundle of food. I say! If I can find a way to tame them to do my bidding, they can be exceedingly useful to our cause.

Emeline was still wearing her silly grey cloak when she woke up. Oh well, it's not my place to question the King's orders anyway.

Tomorrow we shall begin our two-day journey to a quiet, backwater hamlet called Velnheim. Despite its humble settings, Velnheim will forever be known in Dargenvale history as the birthplace of her first Dragonslayer, Sir Isaac Angryfist. They say that hidden in this unassuming town lies Sir Angryfist's secret library, where all his journals are contained. I believe that if we can acquire these journals, they shall prove invaluable to our endeavours. We shall set off at dawn. That is, if all goes well.

9 Atraie 1832

Just perfect. Last night Emeline passed out for no apparent reason at all. Mazzy spent the whole night looking after her, at the expense of her own sleep. Such dedication. I slept like a baby knowing that she had everything covered.

Emeline didn't even know how she fainted. All she could remember was having bouts of stomach pains before blacking out. I guess such is the kind of bad luck a sixth child has to face. Too bad.

But of course that means we'll have to postpone our journey to Velnheim. I suppose I could ask the innkeep a thing or on two how to get there. But I'll do that tomorrow. Today I have the exceedingly important task of grooming my silky locks. In fact, I really should apologize to my hair for not taking care of them enough. It's all Emeline's fault, I swear.

Mazzy said to me, "I've been talking care of Emeline all day. Can I please have the evening off?" Silly question! She deserves much more than that for her dedication, which is why I commended her with an enthusiastic "Up yours!". You should see the way she happily stomped off after that. I have such a way with the ladies, oh my!

10 Atraie 1832

Something is definitely wrong with Emeline. When I passed her room last night she was talking in her sleep. Well, that's perfectly normal to be brutally honest, but the weird thing was that she kept going on about how she missed Emeline. She just kept going "Emeline, I miss you" in between sobs. How terribly frightening! Even I am not that narcissistic! But I suppose Princesses are entitled to act weird on account that they are, well, Princesses.

Anyway, today is the day with set off for Velnheim. Thanks to the innkeep's directions and my remarkable talent in drawing, I have drawn up a map of the outlying regions. Velnheim lies two days to the west. Perhaps Emeline's illness has been a twist of good fortune after all, for had I not asked the Innkeep, I certainly would have not known that Velnheim was to the west. Heck I wouldn't even know what a west is. He also told me that Velnheim is pronounced "felnn-haim". I guess we learn something new every day.

11 Atraie 1832

There is something terribly wrong with Emeline. She keeps complaining we're lost when we're not! Well not entirely... I mean, sure we made a few wrong turns along the way and I'm quite certain that west is way yonder, but it's infuriating the way she thinks she knows better than me when all she does is whine whine whine.

Right now my shoulders are aching. That's because just an hour ago, Emeline sat on a rock and refused to move "until I got my bearings right". So I had to heft her up over my shoulder and carry her along, pretty much against her will. My back also aches too, and that's because she kept pounding at it while kicking and screaming the whole way through. I'm glad nobody saw us; it was so bloody embarrassing! Mazzy couldn't stop smiling the whole way through. I wonder what she found so damn amusing.

12 Atraie 1832

Today's journey was a lot more pleasant. Emeline finally gave up arguing with me. About time too. I'm sick of her constantly saying we're traveling in circles when we're quite clearly going in a straight line. She had vehemently insisted that she had marked a particular tree stump by the roadside yesterday as proof, and that we had passed it three times already. That of course is utter nonsense; the only marks she made yesterday are the dents on my poor breastplate.

I had to heft this silly excuse of a Princess over my shoulder again for most of today's journey. And that's because she passed out yet again. I really hope we reach Velnheim soon. This girl needs a physician and no mistake!

Currently we've stopped by a gentle brook to refresh ourselves. Hearing the swish-swish of water skipping lightly off the smooth pebbles is surprisingly therapeutic, and nothing beats dipping your head into a stream of icy cold water to clear things up a little. Velnheim should not be too far off.

I think I shall let Mazzy carry the Princess for the remainder of today's journey. That would certainly wipe that idiotic grin off her face.

Such rotten luck!

p.s. I couldn't stop thinking about Pricess Juliana today. I wonder why...

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