Thursday, 17 December 2009

The Diaries of Princess Juliana: Volume VIII

as told by Princess Juliana

4 Loares 1832

the parakeet talks.

I was almost going to catch it for lunch too. Looked like a tasty lunch. Mmm.

Well, I was hungry! and it's unheard of to let a princess go without her breakfast! That Sir Chunky Legs sure is trouble. Running off just like that!

Anyway, anyway - focus!
What are we to do with Sir Chunky Legs' mysterious disappearance?
Ahhhhh! Bother! Where has he gone off to?!

That silly parakeet! I wonder if it's telling tall tales. Bother bother. I couldn't find our tent either. Just my bag - yes! now I have to carry it myself. Bother. And Mazzy's stuff too.

That silly old piece of junk, gone off to Velnheim on his own?! Leaving me here with Mazzy - gone off with all the money!

Ok ok, Jules, calm down. There must be a way out of this mess.


Alright, I will find Velnheim with Mazzy - without the help of that ignorant fool, silly gasbag, thing! Huh! Discarding us like an old shoe. How can he leave a princess, the king's favourite too! to fend for herself! He obviously doesn't want to live.

Ok, concentrate. The parakeet has given you some useful information. Don't mind that ugly )!#@()@( ahhhhhhhhhhh. Ok. Calm. Down.

Velnheim is not far from here. At least not according to the parakeet. Alright, BOTHER, IT IS FAR FROM HERE. 70km on foot. Bother bother. But no matter - we will eventually reach Velnheim - and find that ... argh! ... for my money! and tent! and the donkeys I just bought yesterday to save us the trouble of walking! and that monstrous leech even took my favourite socks! Why on earth does he want my socks?!

What's wrong with him these days? He used to be only mildly irritating - annoying but still amusing. Now he is just like an oversized acne - ugly, full of dirty, horrible pus, and he always looks like he is going to burst at any time.


He didn't take my money, or donkeys, or tent, or my favourite socks. It was with Mazzy.

Anyway, the parakeet drew me a map. Kind, wonderful, beautiful parakeet. I should have known that parakeets spoke like humans here - anything could happen in the Town of Opposites! But that aside, hmm... the journey looks pretty straightforward to Velnheim. I do not know how on earth that stinky knight couldn't find his way to Velnheim. He is really bad at reading maps... though he was pretty good at the start of the journey - but then, he temper got worse and worse...

Anyway, on to Velnheim! No use thinking of that silly knight and his stinky ways. Come on Jules, you can put to use all those years of learning at the best school in the kingdom now.

Hmm. Now that I think of it... why did that parakeet help me? Why didn't he help Sir Irresponsible? It just flew to me and started talking to me. I thought I was having illusions. But then it started telling me how this town operated and how this town was hit by a hurricane years ago - and that changed everything. The hurricane basically blew everything topsy-turvy. Even how it blew humans into animals. Ooooh. No wonder there were so many talking animals at the market I went to yesterday!

Oh, and Mazzy seems perfectly fine after Sir Bonky's disappearance. She seems much better too - less worry lines on her forehead. She really should stop frowning. Frowns are never in fashion.

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